lift.

almost another week has gone by since i last posted. i'm telling you, the weeks are flying. i had plenty of time to post, but i just didn't feel like i could. it's been a bit of a rough week...emotionally and spiritually. i'm still not entirely sure why, but today i woke up and saw the sun shining in my window, and i smiled again. life goes on, and God is still God...yesterday, today, and forever. and that just makes me say FEWF! :)

in short, this week i've learned:
1. you don't need affirmation from anyone. believe in yourself and the gifts God has given you. believe that at the end of the day, you are just as loved by Him as you were at the beginning of the day. no need to prove anything--His love never changes and never will. amen.
2. just let it go. thanks to the wonderful man in my life, my companion, i always am reminded of this. he's so right. just let it go. everything....big or small. why carry it around? [love you babe. :)]

i'm sitting in my favorite aspen coffee shop and just finished some french homework for the day. it's an espresso/wine bar...haven't tried the wine yet, but the espresso is the BEST. i will surely miss this place when i leave, but i won't miss the expensive prices.

today we had the final sitzprobe at the wheeler opera house. i'll post pictures of the house soon. as i was sitting at my music stand behind all my fellow singing colleagues and listening to the orchestra warm up, sheer joy filled me up. i thought, 'i love this. this is why i love this.' i can't really explain it. you know, the exciting feeling you get when you're doing something you love that just reminds you why you really love doing it. i need to feel that more. i think more people do.

like i mentioned before, this week was rough. and often when i'm feeling low or discouraged my mother reminds me to look up. i mean to look up physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, all of the above. i'm always amazed by how much it helps. look up and outside of the place i'm in...get my mind off myself and the work i'm doing and the way i'm feeling. being selfish is a miserable existence.

i'm reminded of two places in scripture where two men who lifted their eyes were brought to a new place with God.
first: abram. after he journeyed to egypt with his wife and messed up big time the first time the Lord told him what He wanted to with abram, he went back to a familiar and comfortable place. now, i'm not sure if this was negative or positive. i think there were positive elements, judging by the context of the scripture, but i'm not terribly far into the story of abram to really know yet. [perhaps a person who knows could comment and inform me]. however, i was still struck by how abram went back to a familiar place after he messed up in egypt. after he and lot parted ways, God spoke to abram again saying, 'lift up your eyes and look from the place you are in...' [genesis 13:14] God goes on telling abram to look at all the land around him and walk it, because God is going to give it to him and make his descendants numerous.  so, abram looked up, and went forward into God's story. lift up your eyes, go forward into God's story.

second: stephen. the first martyr for Christendom. stephen was doing great wonders and signs among the people for Christ--full of grace and power [acts 6:8], and for that he was seized. the high priest questioned him about speaking blasphemy against Moses and God. Stephen gave a powerful speech about the history of God's people and the working of the Holy Spirit [i need to really dive into this speech...it's amazing...maybe i'll post on it later. find it in acts 7:1-53]. well, obviously those listening didn't like it and decided to stone him. but stephen was full of the Holy Spirit and gazed to heaven, lifting up his eyes: he saw the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God. [acts 7:54-56]. i can't even imagine what that felt like. but reading it now, i'm reminded that i'm not home yet. i'm passing through with plenty to do...but this is not my final destination. that encourages my spirit. lift up your eyes, and go confidently knowing we're not home yet.


[i will lift up mine eyes to the hills from whence cometh my help. my help cometh from the Lord...
psalm 121:1-2a].


.samantha.